From the Green Velvet Couch | A Conversation with Jason and Kim Cates
What does recovery and lifestyle wellness actually look like once the dust settles? What do the mornings feel like, the weekends, the hard conversations, the hobbies you used to love but were afraid you could not enjoy anymore? And what happens to a marriage when one spouse chooses the hard work of sobriety and the other chooses the equally hard work of supporting it?
On her podcast, From the Green Velvet Couch, Shelly sat down with Jason and Kim Cates, longtime friends who grew up near her in southern Illinois and have been married for 27 years. Jason is three years into his recovery journey, and together they have rebuilt not only their daily rhythm but their entire sense of what a good life can feel like. Their story is honest, warm, and full of the kind of practical wisdom you only earn by walking it out one day at a time.
Here are the moments worth holding onto.
Mornings That Set the Tone for Everything
Shelly opened by asking what their days actually look like now. Kim’s answer was immediate. Recovery has to be a daily practice, and the mornings are where everything starts.
Before recovery, their mornings were chaotic. Jason described it as running around trying to take care of everything he had not handled the day before. Now, the rhythm is completely different. They both wake up, make coffee, and sit together in their sunroom. Jason has been reading the same book one page at a time for three years. Kim has her own readings. They are not always talking, but they are together in the same space, grounding themselves before the world begins pulling on them.
That small ritual carries more weight than it might appear. It is the difference between heading into the day prepared and heading in reactive. It is the difference between dealing with stress when it hits and having already built the inner foundation to meet it. This kind of daily practice is at the heart of the wellness specialist work Shelly does with founders, executives, and high-profile clients, where small consistent routines matter far more than dramatic overhauls.
Learning to Feel Everything Again
One of the most vulnerable moments in the conversation came when Shelly reminded Jason of something he had shared with her in the past. For years, he had numbed countless emotions. Early recovery, he said, was overwhelming precisely because he felt everything all at once.
What helped him handle that wave of emotion was not just the passage of time. It was the structure of recovery itself. Recovery, Jason explained, is not only about stopping a substance. It is about learning a completely new way to live and to handle the things life throws at you. Patience is the biggest change he notices in himself now. Where he once reacted, he now pauses. Where he once spiraled, he now steadies.
Kim has watched this transformation from the inside, and her perspective is its own kind of wisdom.
Letting Your Spouse Do It in Their Own Time
When Shelly asked Kim what has been hardest for her as the spouse of someone in recovery, her answer was immediate. She had to learn to let Jason do it in his own time.
Kim described herself as a fixer. Her instinct was to help, to push, to problem solve, to speed up the process so the pain would end sooner. What she learned, slowly and with effort, was that she could not do this for him. His journey was his. Her journey was hers. Trying to control his path only kept both of them stuck. She had to take a step back, trust God with the outcome, and focus on her own healing alongside his.
She started attending her own meetings, designed for family members of people in recovery. Those meetings taught her something every fixer needs to hear. You did not cause it, you cannot cure it, and you cannot control it. Once she stopped trying to manage Jason’s process, something surprising happened. They started connecting again. The barrier that had been between them for years began to dissolve.
“I Can’t Put My Life on Hold”
Shelly shared a moment from a conversation she had with Kim years ago, a moment she has since repeated to countless clients. Kim once told her that she could not put her life on hold waiting for someone else to get better. She decided she was going to be happy, be healthy, and enjoy what she could, even while Jason was still in his own process.
That decision is rare and radical. Many spouses of people in addiction unconsciously put their own lives on pause, believing they cannot allow themselves joy until the person they love is well. Kim recognized early on that waiting was actually a form of enabling. It also kept her from the exact healing she needed for herself.
Kim added a beautiful insight to the conversation. Sometimes the reason people put their lives on hold is not just an excuse. It is a belief issue. They do not believe they are allowed to be well until someone else is. Her recovery has been about retraining that belief, practicing self-compassion, and learning that daily care for herself is what makes everything else possible.
This kind of intentional, daily self-care is something Shelly helps build into the lives of her performance mentoring clients, where sustainable wellness is always treated as a lifestyle rather than a project.
Accountability and Retraining the Mind
Jason and Kim also shared a daily habit they do together. They follow a five to ten minute audio program built around mental toughness and discipline, created by former Navy SEALs. Sometimes they listen together, sometimes separately, but they stay on the same schedule so they can hold each other accountable.
Kim pointed out that while the program is often marketed toward men, she has found it just as valuable for herself. It has helped both of them build discipline, stay intentional, and feed their minds something good on a daily basis. Jason emphasized why that repetition matters. After years of thinking and reacting one way, you cannot rewire your brain overnight. You have to feed it new information, new practices, and new patterns every single day.
This is the neurological truth underneath every recovery story. The brain that has been wired for a behavior over many years will only respond to consistent, repeated new input. There are no shortcuts. But there is tremendous hope in the fact that the brain can change.
Rediscovering Fun Without the Substance
One of the quiet fears many people have before entering recovery is whether they will still be fun. Whether life will still feel enjoyable. Whether the activities they loved will feel hollow without the substance they used to pair them with.
Shelly brought this up with Jason directly, and his honesty was refreshing. He was genuinely scared to play golf sober for the first time because he had never done it that way before. What he discovered is that he plays better sober, feels better sober, and enjoys it more than he ever did in the chaos.
Kim added that they eased into social situations rather than diving straight back in. They learned which environments still fit the people they were becoming, and which ones no longer did. Today, their weekends look different than they used to. Hiking. Pickleball. Boat rides on the lake that used to feel chaotic and now feel peaceful. Freedom to drive anywhere, do anything, and actually be present for all of it.
Jason made a point that deserves its own spotlight. When you are no longer under the influence, you can do more in a single day than you ever could before. A round of golf in the morning and a hike in the afternoon used to feel impossible. Now it feels normal.
A Marriage That Became Its Own Kind of Story
Jason and Kim have been together since they were sixteen years old. They have walked through high seasons and low seasons, and they described this current chapter as their most connected yet. Kim said she likes the person she is now more than the person she was a decade ago. She has more depth. Jason has more patience. Together, they have more respect for each other than ever before.
The respect piece is what Shelly has noticed as a longtime friend. Neither of them has ever been disrespectful, but the way they hold each other now carries something new. It is the respect that comes from knowing how hard the other person has worked and how many choices it has taken to get where they are.
Kim also shared what she is most proud of. When Jason realized he could not fix his situation on his own, he was strong enough to go get help. Their boys watched their dad do something hard and uncomfortable for the sake of his family. That example is its own kind of parenting, and it will shape those young men for the rest of their lives.
A Message for Anyone Considering the First Step
Shelly asked Jason and Kim what they would say to someone standing at the edge of a decision about recovery. Jason’s answer cut through the noise. When he finally admitted that he was powerless and that his life was unmanageable, something clicked. He could not do it alone. He needed accountability. He needed people who had walked this path before and could show him it was possible.
That accountability can come from a spouse, a friend, a group of strangers in a meeting, or a trained professional. It does not matter where it comes from. What matters is that you stop trying to carry it by yourself.
This kind of comprehensive support for leaders and families navigating hard seasons is also central to Shelly’s wellness consulting work with organizations and leadership teams, where whole-person care is treated as the foundation of everything else.
🎧 Join the Conversation
If this post sparked something in you, the full episode is waiting with even more warmth and thoughtful insight.
✨ Listen to the full conversation on the From the Green Velvet Couch podcast. Visit the Podcast page to discover more episodes focused on resilience, leadership wellbeing, and holistic wellness.
Let this be your invitation to slow down, breathe deeply, and step into a well-grounded life full of growth and intention.
